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Cement your commitment to one another with tried-and-true relationship advice marriage experts and real couples count on.
Get ready for the hard truth about how to keep a relationship going if you once thought that finding your soul mate would be a difficult process. That’s because relationships can be complicated, messy, and at times, downright hard. But the good news is that they’re usually totally worth the effort.
You and your partner will need to navigate the relationship path in order to discover the route that works best for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stop and ask for directions along the way. However, free advice from friends, family, coworkers, and sometimes even strangers should be avoided; just because it is available does not guarantee that it will be beneficial. A professional relationship therapist or Lasting, a science-based relationship app supported by The Knot, are more reliable sources. So what if you’re not married yet? Is therapy really necessary? The short answer is yes. Even before you hear wedding bells, relationship advice can be helpful. Not to mention the couples who have matured together over time. Marriage, like all relationships, changes and evolves over time, which means new advice may be welcome.
Expert Relationship Advice
Relationship specialists and marriage counselors have seen it all, from the best to the worst. The experts offer the following insightful relationship advice to their clients and patients:
1. Respect Each Other’s Minds
According to Steven Dziedzic, the creator of the Lasting app, “You and your partner have two completely different minds that have been constructed over decades of time and continue to evolve.” “That means you’ll think and feel differently about practically everything and find yourselves in disagreements, both big and small. In a conflict, understanding your partner’s point of view is the goal, not “winning,” as many believe. Dziedzic also encourages couples to keep in mind that your partner’s opinion is valid and worthy of respect, even when you’re tempted to think it’s not. “In a relationship, one of your most important jobs is to make consistent attempts to better understand what your partner is thinking and why,” says Dziedzic. “The more knowledge you have about your partner, the more resilient your relationship can become.”
2. Disconnect to Connect
Whether your relationship status is one date in, recently engaged, honeymoon is over, or together so long you’ve lost count, we’ve gathered up the relationship advice of experts and real couples alike to help cement your commitment to one another.
The internet and social media in general can strain one-on-one time. Just because you two may be the only people in the room together doesn’t mean you’re spending quality time with one another. “Put down your devices when out together and unplug when home,” says Bonnie Winston, celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert. “Take a 24-hour break to play board games or cook a meal together.”
3. Get a Checkup
“In the same way you see a general practitioner once a year for early detection, marriage counseling is a great idea once a year as well, if not more,” adds Winson. “Even a Mercedes requires yearly maintenance.” Taking into account that an app like Lasting makes it simpler and more accessible than ever before. It smartly gets to know your relationship and then builds a customized program just for your significant other with sessions on everything from communication to sex.
4. Find a Safe Space
“When both people want it to work, it’s only a matter of finding a common ground and a common language, a safe space, where the friction of the relationship can be resolved,” says Cynthia Chauvin Miles, a certified hypnotherapist (CHT) specializing in relationships and author of The 10 Ways: A Guide to the 21st Century Relationship. “While couples who are able to invent this space and communication style in their relationship prior to therapy will find that it is easier and, more often than not, unnecessary, this space and communication style will frequently occur in therapy. My husband and I call it ‘drive time.’ Driving through rural areas, where we’re both focused and relaxed at the same time, is where we have our best conversations and make the most progress.
5. Put Money into Your Partner
According to Suzie Pileggi Pawelski, the author of Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts, “relationships have a strong chance of surviving when they are based on ‘the good’ in the other person, where both partners work together to feed that good and are inspired to become better themselves.” “These relationships are more sustainable than those based simply on pure pleasure or usefulness, because they’re based on what partners actively put into them—rather than what they can get out of them.”
6. Keep Me in Your Thoughts
“Make sure both partners maintain some of their individual activities, interests, and friends they had before they got together,” adds Pileggi Pawelski. “This doesn’t mean they don’t engage in activities with their partner or invite their spouse out with their friends. It just means they don’t feel obligated to do everything with their partner. Our research demonstrates that satisfying and fruitful relationships are linked to interdependence, not dependence.
Real Couples’ Relationship Advice
You probably already know that it’s important to communicate and not get angry at night, but there are many more tried-and-true relationship advice you can learn. Experts have one view, but for a more personal approach, we asked real couples for their unique user-tested and -approved relationship advice.
1. Laugh it Off
“Laughter seems to be the antidote to most arguments,” says MacKenzie K. from Los Angeles. “Usually, we can quickly diffuse an argument if one of us can crack a joke or point out how ridiculous it is before it gets out of hand. Just one word of advice I learned the hard way: Sarcasm does not typically have the desired effect. Stick to commentary you’ll both find funny, and bonus points for landing a few jokes at your own expense.”
2. Show Gratitude
Jamie K. from New Milford, Connecticut, advises, “Regularly say ‘thank you.'” “Even if it’s your partner’s “job” to do something (like cook dinner or wash the car), showing appreciation is a great way to make them feel good and a great way to remind yourself that your life is possible because of the things you do for each other.”
3. Let Go of the Little Things
“What’s your secret?” I inquired of a cousin who had been happily married to his wife for 35 years. says Lisa C. from Springfield, New Jersey. “His reply, “Don’t nitpick,” stays with me every day for its simplicity and possible wisdom.”
4. Hanger is Real
Kelsey M. from Seattle advises, “Don’t have hard conversations when either person is tired or hungry.”
5. Right the Fight
Alaina L. from Boston says, “When you do fight, since fights are inevitable, you have to be fighting for the relationship.” “Most people naturally fight for what they want, for their own needs, to be right, or to get the outcome they want. During a fight, you must give the relationship priority if you want it to last. Fight in a way that’s more compromising and without all the dirty techniques most people use, like blaming the person for stuff they did years ago or dragging out their faults because you’re angry.”
6. The More They Understand
Tracey L. from New York City advises, “Err on the side of over-communication, at least about important things like your relationship.” “Don’t overestimate how much your partner understands you.”
7. Experience Makes Perfect
Kristen A. from Atlanta says, “It’s important to make marriage counseling a habit, like going to the gym.” “We do this with the Lasting app. It’s such an easy jumping off point for difficult conversations, which need to happen for your marriage to truly thrive.”
Conclusion
Relationship advice is great, but don’t forget: what works for some may not work for all. No two relationships are the same, like snowflakes, so the strategy you choose needs to work for you both. If the relationship tips provided by the experts and real couples don’t fix your needs, tweak them, work together to develop your own ideas or look to professional help with an app like Lasting. What transpires just might be relationship advice you can pass onto future
